Many years ago I came to a realisation that some companies create the monsters in their employees. These are the difficult employees who have performance issues, &/or hold several warnings on their files, &/or cause others to walk on egg shells around them. They are seemingly unmanageable yet remain in the company year on year. Even more concerning is that some of these people manage to be promoted!
I am sure that these people did not apply for these jobs with the express intent of causing problems. I believe that they applied and accepted these jobs to earn a fair pay for a fair day’s work. There are many out there who go to work for the same reason. The only difference being that these people become a significant issue for their teams and their manager. What changed for them? What didn’t work for them?
When you have a difficult employee in your team how often have you, as the leader taken the time to step in their shoes and see their reality? How many times have you sought to understand and see things from their perspective without judgement? What has their experience been like?
As a leader you probably dislike having to manage a difficult employee. The situation makes you feel anxious and stressed. You know that the meeting will be tense and the employee is likely to be defensive and blame everything and everybody for their situation. The situation will be triggering your brain’s defensive mechanisms of fight or flight. It is uncomfortable for everyone involved.
What if you didn’t have to get to this point? What would that look like for you?
When we interact others, be they family, colleagues, customers, or employees, we do one of two things. We can cause them to become protective and defensive, or we can cause them to see us as trusting and empathetic. And this happens in 0.07 seconds! When we trust someone we are operating in our pre frontal cortex. We are open to understanding, sharing our ideas and bonding with others. All of which strengthens our relationships. If we feel threatened or fearful we shut down the pre frontal cortex and operate in our old brain where memories and past experience reside. We focus only on our own protection and will strongly defend and reconfirm our beliefs and perceptions. If you were having a performance management conversation with an employee with this occurring in their brain, you can now appreciate why nothing will change for them.
When someone approaches us our natural and first instinct is to decide if they are friend or foe, to be trusted or not. We pick up this information from the other person’s facial expression, body position, stance, & presence. (When we are on the phone the same reaction occurs but the message comes through our facial expression, tone, and pitch). There is an energy that connects us and it triggers neurochemical reactions in our brains when we stand within 3 metres of each other.
Are you aware of the energy you are emitting when you approach others? We are very highly tuned to picking up the energy of others. As an activity this week be aware of your thoughts and feelings when you are interacting with a range of people. See what emotions are triggered and try to figure out why. Who do you feel open and safe with and why. What does this feel like for you? Who is capable of triggeing your old brain? What is it that they do that triggers your reaction?
Remember learning that what we communicate consists of 7% words, 38% tone and 55% body language? It is the body language that we use to decide whether we open up to the conversation or shut down. When you are meeting with a difficult employee are you opening them or shutting them down? What about your own mind set? Are you open or closed?
If you want to experience a different outcome with a difficult employee you must gain their trust. You do this by genuinely respecting them, empathising with them, and understanding them. For this reason you cannot lead people you don’t like. There is no place for pretending or being inauthentic. In the face of incongruity, our brains will default to protection and close down the mind.
Here are some questions you can use for reflection. They will help you prepare how you present yourself to others.
- What is my intention? Do I want to be right or do I want to work with this person to get a great outcome?
- Am I fully present? Am i prepared to listen without judging?
- How is the other person feeling? What needs do they want met?
- What can I do to move us into trusting space?
- If we can have an open trusting conversation what will be possible?
I am running a free webinar on how to deal with a difficult employee on Wednesday 14 December 2016. You will gain a greater understanding of how you can improve the outcomes of these difficult conversations. To join the webinar please send me an email and I will send you an invitation. You can email me on success@nullbelieveachievecoach.com.au
