Self Awareness is not a dirty word.

I was talking to a friend yesterday.  I hadn’t spoken to her in a little while and so I asked her how her company was going with the downturn in the mining sector.  The company she works for supplies to the sector.

 

The good news was that she felt her company had sufficient alternative markets that they can focus on these until the local market improves.  The bad news was that the need to move quickly to secure markets elsewhere has negatively impacted the culture of the organisation.  She said that there is a lot of blaming and conflict between teams and it is getting worse.  The GM’s persona has changed considerably, so too the behaviour of the leadership team. She said that over the past 18 months motivation and enthusiasm across the organisation has plummeted.

 

So what has happened here?

 

Much of our behaviour, thoughts, and feelings are the result of unconscious processes in our brains.  Think about it.  You spend most of your day doing and saying things that you don’t consciously think much about.  From your habitual morning routines of breakfast, exercise, and getting to work, to how you do the tasks you do at work and how you react to others.  Pretty much all of this uses stuff we already have stored in the brain.  We rely heavily on our past experience, knowledge and skills to do the activities we do and we act and behave as a result of what we have stored. Our brains allow these processes to occur knowing that they will not harm us and generally will be safe.

 

This is a good thing for our brain because the amount of processing of incoming sensory information from our eyes, ears, skin etc that it would otherwise have to do in order to interpret our world moment to moment, would surely cause the brain to explode.

 

Imagine waking up every morning and having to decide your next move based on what you saw/heard/tasted/felt.  You would certainly feel that everything and everyone was a potential threat.  Your anxiety levels would be high and you would be on edge all the time.  This could not be good for your heart!!

 

When we come across a new or different situation, this is exactly what happens.  In my friend’s workplace the down turn in the mining industry has meant that the reliable and trusted ways of working no longer apply and this has put significant strain on the business and people.  Everyone’s brains are reacting to the situation in their most primitive way: Fight or Flight.  This is a normal reaction but it causes so many problems in an organisation when this is not recognised.

 

Research has shown that the brain prepares us for the threat by releasing cortisol and testosterone to ready the body for high intensity activity (either fighting or running away). This is our fight or flight reaction.  It is our default response to anything new or threatening.  Interestingly, the brain does not differentiate between real or perceived threat so both result in the same reaction.

 

The cortisol shuts down the higher order thinking and executive parts of the brain and thus the brain relies solely on memory and past experience to remove the threat.  This makes sense because you already know how to escape or how to fight given you’ve survived previous threatening situations.  You really don’t want to be using you higher level brain to develop a new skill or decide on potential options for survival in the face of the threat.  You want to react right now.

 

The level of actual threat in our day to day lives is significantly lower than it was in primitive times however our brain responds just the same. Our brains do not know the difference between life and death situation and the minor threats we encounter day to day so our reactions are similar internally.

 

Going back now to my friend’s company, the GM and the leadership team will have responded to the situation as any brain will have done ie defaulted to primitive responses.  Their brains will have perceived a threat and triggered the release of cortisol and that will have closed down their executive and thinking brains.  The changes in their behaviour indicate that they are now trying to protect and defend rather than seeking out solutions to the problems.

 

A big problem is that this primitive system is self sustaining until the threat is removed.  As a cave man/woman, you would have fought or fled the threat and either lived or died.  The threat would normally be short lived.

 

In today’s business world unfortunately, a threat can last months or years depending on the situation and the person’s mindset.  During this time the brain is constantly releasing cortisol and therefore shutting down the parts of the brain that would be most helpful for removing the threat.  Responding in a defensive protective manner becomes your normal persona.

 

Whilst our response to threat is normal, it is what happens next that defines the leadership team.

 

A leadership team with high self awareness will know what they are feeling and why.  They would consciously work on decreasing the cortisol in their brains and increasing the use of their executive and thinking brains.  They would be building trust in others and involving them in finding ways to improve the situation.  Where threats release cortisol, trust releases oxytocin, a hormone that, amongst other things, promotes creativity, strategic thinking and good decision making.

 

Leadership teams with low self awareness spend little time reflecting on what they are thinking or feeling.  They lose their ability to listen and share instead becoming opinionated and addicted to being right.  This is why disagreements and communication breakdowns occur.  Leaders can suffer amygdala hijacking causing outbursts and poor decision making.  As the situation continues their anxiety causes them to be sensitive to the nuances of others or their surroundings, both real and perceived.  Leaders become distrustful of other and begin to micromanage.  Many conversations that should be had, remain unsaid.

 

Most leaders have attended leadership development programs and self awareness is an important topic in such programs.  Yet I see and hear time and again of senior leaders and CEO’s behaving without much self awareness.  The situation where my friend works is not unusual.  I do believe that leaders and CEO’s have the best intention however without self awareness they have no understanding of the impact they have.

 

It is clear that training courses alone don’t prepare leaders well enough to deal effectively with stressful situations.  Self awareness is a journey of discovery that occurs best when you have a trusted advisor.  Someone who can help navigate and keep you heading in the right direction.  Mentors and coaches are ideal because they have nothing other than your best interests at heart.

 

When you are next confronted by a situation that threatens you or makes you fearful, how will you respond?  Remember that to feel threatened and feel fear is normal, it is what you do next that defines you.

 

Want to understand more about your brain and how to manage it effectively?  Call or email me to arrange a time for a chat.

Empathy and the need for Compassion

In our leadership training and development we are taught that a good leader uses empathy as a way to connect and communicate with others to build relationships.  Many vision statements across a wide range of organisations also call for the use of empathy in how they do business.  A common definition for empathy is your ability to step into another person’s shoes and understand what they are feeling or experiencing.

 

Using empathy still remains a core skill requirement for leaders.

 

But the science has now caught up with our practices and theories and empathy is not a skill we should be developing in our leaders.  Leaders need to develop their ability for compassion.

 

For a very long time empathy and compassion have been assumed to be closely related and in some instances, interchangeable.  If you use empathy you show compassion.  If you are compassionate you are showing empathy towards the other person.

 

Recent neuroscientific research has now shown that empathy and compassion light up very different areas of the brain.  This means that there is less of a connection than we have always assumed.  Let me explain.

 

There are many careers in our society that can be characterised as the caring professions.  These can include social work, counselling, psychotherapy, massage, life coaching etc.  All these are focused on looking after the client’s wellbeing and attempting to help them achieve a better outcome in their life/relationships etc.   The clients can often share significant and sometimes horrendous stories or experiences with the practitioner.  What research found was that some practitioners could finish their day with a strong sense of wellbeing whilst others may finish feeling anxious, and/or a sense of despair.  What causes this to occur?  Why can they experience the same levels of difficult conversation yet have a different outlook?

 

It was found that when the practitioner practiced compassion they were far more optimistic than when they practiced empathy. Even more remarkable was that brain studies showed that empathy and compassion trigger very different parts of the brain.

 

The science has found that when someone feels empathy towards another person this triggers activity in the pain areas of the brain.  The reasons for this is that when we empathise with another person we identify with their pain and suffering.  Often this is because the stories of the other person trigger strong emotions in us.  We stop listening to the other person and start listening to our own story.  The conversation keeps us in the moment.  We have effectively taken on the suffering of the other person and personalised it. This causes us to feel emotional and despairing.

 

However when we show compassion, we don’t take on the pain and suffering of the other person, instead we simply feel for that person.  We can become aware of our feelings however we remain present and focused on the other person.  It turns out that where empathy lights up the pain areas of the brain, compassion lights up the areas of the brain associated with love.  Instead of triggering emotions of threat, fear and anxiety, compassion energises us to support the other person in moving to action rather than inaction.

 

Another reaction is that we may also try to avoid using empathy altogether.  This happens when we believe the story is too close to our hearts that we cannot bear to listen.  Instead we shut down our emotions completely and effectively leave the other person stranded.  We stop listening and can become cold in our response.  We choose to protect our own being rather than be in a position to help others.  I have seen this in many leaders.

 

This is why I advocate that leaders learn to use compassion rather than empathy.  Compassion allows us to listen and support without becoming emotionally involved.  It means that leaders can be active in helping their employee because they are not triggering the pain areas in their own brain.  So how do you learn compassion?

 

To practice compassion is to practice presence.  If you find you are speaking to a team member or peer and they are sharing something that is painful, I suggest that you become aware of how you are feeling.  Are you starting to mirror the same emotions?  What are you saying?  Are you trying to change the focus to your own experiences?

 

By practicing remaining present with the person and actively listening to understand their problem you become more compassionate.  You do not become involved emotionally and so you are able to help the person to move forward.  You could ask them what they should do now, or who should they talk to.  These questions give the person a chance to explore possibilities to resolve their issue.  It may take more than one conversation but you will be helping them to get beyond the problem.  By using compassion rather than empathy you have more control in helping find the resolution of the problem.

 

A leaders’ role is to find solutions for problems.  Helping others find solutions to problems elevates you to being a great leader.